Wednesday 28 July, 2010

Anansi Boys

[I never can really tell what a book review is all about. All I know is that it should not be a "Plot Summary". Here's my review of the book Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman.

Dedicated To Fat Charlie.]



“God is dead. Meet the kids.”


When I had first heard of Neil Gaiman, it was in one of the quizzes I'd attended; either here in Bangalore, or up in Delhi. I think he probably made an impression on me when he appeared in a “sci-fi-fantasy-lit quiz” here along with the likes of P. K. Dick and Terry Pratchet. Ever since, I've kept an eye out for books written by these three, so much so that my bro and me bought Gaiman's Graveyard Book (which featured in a question) last December.


While the Graveyard Book did get me back into reading (as in, it was the first book I'd read after 2 months), I found Gaiman's style of writing somewhat kiddish, and the book did not live up to my expectations. However, that was not the case with his Anansi Boys.


The book begins with a highly apt description of the protagonist; in fact, through a few incidents of his childhood. One's childhood leaves an impression on who one is, and Gaiman uses this to give us a quick and accurate description of “Fat” Charlie's character. A clumsy man with a life of embarassment, Charlie discovers only after his father's funeral that the old man was a 'god' and that he has a 'god' brother too.


Completely disbelieving, but still curious, he attempts to call his brother Spider. The next thing he knows, Spider has turned up on his front door, and has begun altering his life. While Charlie is an introvert whose only talent is that he sings very well, but only without an audience, Spider is a casual extrovert who takes what he wants when he wants it without the slightest thought for others or the slightest remorse for any of his actions. In no time, Spider has casually taken over his brother's life and left the latter with no say in the matter.


As retaliation, Charlie calls on the power of other gods to help him get rid of Spider. Without realizing it, he has awoken a force too powerful for them, while Spider has realized how he has screwed his brother's life. They join forces against all the enemies they are set against one after another, and end up fighting for their survival.


In terms of narration however, the book adopts an intermediary role in a number of places. Gaiman writes as if he is telling a story he already knows the ending of, and is making a point of it. With phrases like “if you were in his place, you too would” etc, he takes a grab at making the book sound personal in narration. Well, I personally don't like intermediary narrators. I prefer having a god-narrator, or a first-person narrator. The intermediary ones make you feel like you are a five year old listening to a story told by a grandfather at the dinner table or something.


Whereas I don't approve of the narrative style, the content is amazing. A tale of two brothers. Who have had no childhood memories together, and meet only after the passing of their father. In two weeks' time, Gaiman has managed to summarize the entire two decades' of my sibling life. From fights and bullying, to running off complaining to parents, to coming close after our own fashion, Gaiman has managed to write my siblinghood life down into a godlike tale of adventure, emotion and humour. For all those who have siblings (especially bros), this is a must-read; while for those who don't have them, this book is just what you need to find out just what you are missing out on!

Friday 28 May, 2010

Tell me a tale

[Crude... rather crude... forgive me for this... 'poem'.
Dedicated to John Masefield, a true master of poetry.

er, sorry about the dedication. NOT John Masefield.
I'm changing it to my bro, Sandeep Mathias.]

Tell me a tale of an Incident passed away,
Say, could that Incident be of '10?
Merry of soul people came from afar
To gain from its golden edition.

India on day 1, LW on day 2,
General on the last of 'em days,
The gold of biz-tech, also on day 1,
Oh where is its paper of praise?

Tell me a tale of an Incident passed away,
Say, could that Incident be of '10?
Merry of soul people came from afar
To gain from its golden edition.

Give me on time, what I've deserved,
Give me the fruit of my toil.
Give me the cash, give me the certi,
Give me my hard-earned spoil.

Tell me a tale of an Incident passed away,
Say, could that Incident be of '10?
Merry of soul people came from afar
To gain from its golden edition.

Questions and answers, audios and LVCs,
Connects: exhaustive or mega,
I'd worked through them all, and came out on top,
So its 'bout time I got my haNa.

Tuesday 18 May, 2010

Ambition

[This is a short story. Its the longest post in my entire blog till date: about one and a half times longer than the second longest. Word Count: 3172. So I must say, if you are busy with anything, do not read this now. If you are not busy however, I can assure you that you will enjoy reading this. It is the first short story since high school (third one in total :P) that I am satisfied with. Indeed I am a bit proud of this one in fact.
Dedicated to the following words: "exaggerated, aggravated, overwhelmed and agitated" :P]


In the days of King George the Umpteenth, where the land was at peace, there was born in the quiet town of Harlingtonshire, a man of great promise. He came into the world crying, for he was destined for greatness, but was in the physical form of one who is helpless. He was named Thomas Davenport, for his parents thought that Tom was a very affectionate way to call him.

Harlingtonshire is a small town on the border between England and Wales. The people of the town are very English in every possible manner. The women have a horrible dress sense and a moderate aptitude for cooking, but they couldn't care less. They spend their days gossipping about the weather, the society, or about their husbands and their jobs. The men are quiet and hard-working, and live a simple content life. They get together every evening at the bars and the inns in town to share a moment or two over a mug of ale. Good bartenders are hard to find, so you never really found that many bars in town, though bartending was indeed a highly respectable profession, and business was always good.

The wheel had just been reinvented by Alfred Nobel, who was in the process of applying for its patent, and Hitler had just learnt how to walk, while our Tom was excelling in school. His entire class admired him, for he was both friendly as well as successful, and in today's parlance, he “totally rocked”. His grade sheet never showed a B, and if there ever was a sport his school would win, he would be a part of the team. In the arts and in the cultural acitivies, he was a crowd controller, and would consistently steal the show. Greatness was expected out of Thomas. From one and all.

Including from himself.

The years rolled by. Thomas went to Oxford to study medicine, the then great thing that great people studied. He breezed through the curriculum as if it were a walk in the park. Whenever someone would ask him what his ambition was, he'd say that he'd become a leading medical researcher and find cures for a number of diseases, possibly even win the Nobel prize. But in truth he felt even this was not good enough; that he was capable of much more.

He met a girl in college: one who admired him greatly, and who fell in love with him, and from whom he knew he wasn't receiving empty flattering attention. Her name was Faye, and she was a very forward thinker who didn't believe in gender stereotyping and was highly liberal. She supported Tom through all his troubles and encouraged him through all his ventures. After college, they got married and moved to London, where Tom began working on his cutting-edge research while Faye spent her days at home, content with her place and proud of Tom's brilliance.

It was 1914 when the first world war began. It was 1914 when Charlie Chaplin got into films. It was 1914 when Faye gave birth to a beautiful little boy, who was christened Mark. Everyone was extremely overjoyed at this occasion, be it Tom's family, Faye and her family, and even the neighbouring Davidsons. Tom however, was unfortunately too busy trying to isolate a particular drug from a wild flower, which was known to have strange medicinal value. While people enquired at Tom's absence for his son's birth, Faye was still proud of all the work he was doing, and would not let this incident diminish her love for him.

Now, the Davidsons were a very close-knit family. They loved one another more than themselves, and enjoyed all the quality time they spent with one another. The parents worked in local Government offices while the kids went to a Jesuit school. They were humble and noble, and would without a moment's hesitiation go out of their way to help anyone, be it friend or stranger. They were hard-working and simple, much like the men of Harlingtonshire, yet as a family they were as one whole. They had no extraordinary spark of talent, like Tom. They only had each other, which was all they could possibly live for.

The Davenports were extremely lucky to have the Davidsons as their neighbours, but Tom was too busy to notice such trivialities. Indeed, he looked with contempt on their idleness and lack of ambition, seeing them as just another common family, undeserving of any recognition or greatness.

And so life continued. Tom would work feverishly throughout the week on some form of healing drug or another, or else would be traveling to attend high profile international conferences, sometimes even chairing them. Faye would spend her time at home looking after Mark, or indulging in various creative activities like embroidery, art and music. Mark was ever friendly with the Davidsons and their kids, but the knowledge of having a father who was too busy to care for his only son soon started having a detrimental effect on his character. While his grades remained good, he went into a shell, and soon began indulging in various acts of deceit with care-free remorselessness. He made sure that his worst acts were never traced back to him, while the other things that happened at school were small enough to not warrant the informing of his home.

Until one day, when Mark was caught cheating for an exam. It was undoubtedly one of the most innovative means of cheating the school had ever witnessed. During the exam, Mark would smuggle out a few blank exam-sheets, pretending they were rough work and that they did not require evaluation. After the exam, he'd write the answer to one or two of the questions on those 'rough' sheets. And when the papers were distributed for moderation, he would attach these extra sheets and casually point out to the teacher that those questions had not been overlooked during evaluation.

The school decided to have him suspended. Poor Mark, being the apple of his mother's eye, could not face having to tell his mother the news. He even feared that the school would have informed his mother with various gruesome exaggerations. He decided to go to the Davidsons first for help and support.

The Davidsons, being the loving people that they were, buried their shock of finding Mark a cheat and soothed his worry. Faye was just beginning to get worried as to the whereabouts of her son when Mr Davidson called home, with Mark in tow. Hardly had had Faye enquired “Where have you been? I was so worried...” when Mark had bolted down the hall and up into his room.

“Faye,” said Mr. Davidson. “Your son has asked me to discuss something that happened in school today. Let him be in his room. I daresay he is feeling pretty low himself at the moment, and needs some time alone.”

“Alright, Henry. Please sit down. Allow me to bring you some coffee, then we can discuss... whatever needs to be discussed.”

“Yes, please, thank you.”

Faye busied herself with getting the coffee ready, but her mind was paralysed. She could not think what could have made Mark run to the neighbours' before coming home, nor could she imagine anything being so serious that Mark would have dashed into his room. To hide? To be alone? Her hands moved mechanically: turning on the stove, putting on the kettle. It must be some girl trouble, she thought to herself. Yes, he rarely shares things with me, so maybe he's had a rejection of some sort. I hope he hasn't gone and gotten someone pregnant!

“Ah, thank you, Faye!” said Mr. Davidson when she had served the coffee. “So, I believe Tom is still on one of those international conferences he is so busy with?”

“Yes. It has gotten over today. So I expect he would be back the day-after. Now, what is the matter with Mark? I am so curious right now seeing his behaviour and your ominous hints, that I can't think of anything else.”

“Hmmm... I do have some bad news regarding Mark in school. By the way, the coffee is excellent. I wish my wife could make it so well...”

“Why thank you! But do tell me. I am sitting on tenterhooks here!”

“Ah. Well, to put it succintly: Mark has been suspended from school for having cheated in an exam.”

“What! It can't be! He is not that kind of person. I don't believe it. He must have been framed or – ”

“Faye, Faye... Please calm down. Yes I understand your agitation. Mark is a good kid. He is honest. He told me the truth. It is not a case of being framed. He is extremely sorry and fears he has disappointed you, so he needed me to tell you. Consider this a mistake on his part; I am sure it will pass and he will come through in the end.”

“But... but... Mark would not need to cheat. He is so bright; his grades have been good throughout. It can't be that he has been cheating on past exams as well... We have always instilled good values in him – ”

“Yes, well... let us give credit where it is due. You have instilled good values in him. Tom has been flying too high ever since the boy's birth to have had time to look down and see his son.”

“I am sure we are all proud of Tom's achievements and stature. A man like him would not have much time for family, agreed.”

“Yes... Well, Mrs. Davenport. I must be going now. Talk to Mark a little later. You'll see there's nothing wrong with him. He might require a little counselling, but all in all, I am sure he is a fine boy. Good day!”

“Oh thank you, Henry for being there for us. If it weren't for you, I don't know what might have happened to Mark!”

“Oh, it was nothing, Faye,” and so saying, Henry Davidson made his way back home, leaving a distraught Faye at the door, feeling empty and lost.

Meanwhile, Mark was in his room with his ear to the door overhearing the entire conversation. He needed to ensure that Mr. Davidson did not exaggerate his tale of cheating, that he was cast in a good light for his mother. That was another reason for going to the Davidsons to explain his situation. He knew that they would be kind and understanding and would be a support.

Cheating was a small thing in the devious mind of Mark. He had been hanging out with the local gangs for a while and his deeds amounted to much worse than mere cheating on an exam. After burglary and rape, getting caught for cheating was quite a disappointment for him. He was already into smoking, the then cool thing, and a bit into drugs, for the feeling of being high. But he didn't drink unlike the other gang-boys. He did not want to come home drunk, atleast for his mother's sake. He didn't care about his father; after all, his father didn't care about him.

A short while later, Faye had a small talk with Mark. It was by-and-large quiet and terse, for Faye was shill in shock and Mark did not want to be very open in any case.

Two days later, Tom came home after a successful conference where he showcased his ideas on hospital sanitation to the agreement of all the medical fraternity. Seeing his son at home, when he should have been in school, his initial impulse was that Mark had fallen ill. When he found out that he had been suspended for cheating, his anger knew no bounds.

He began flogging his son ruthlessly; as a drunkard might have done. “What is wrong with you! Is this what we have brought you up for?! How could you be such a disappointment to us?!” and other curses were hurled at Mark.

“I hate you!” screamed Mark in response. “You have never been there for me. Even the neighbours are more my family than you have ever been. I don't care how disappointed you get with me. I don't care about you!”

“Here I am, trying my best to help mankind, and my own son goes astray! Get out of my face. I don't want to see you again!”

“Fine!”

This was the worst row the father and son had ever had. That night, while Tom and Faye were sleeping, Mark slipped out of the house, having decided to be a gang-member full-time. He felt no remorse at running away from home, not even at the knowledge that it would gravely hurt his mother.

The next day, when the Davenports found out what had happened, they were devastated. They called the the neighbours, but the Davidsons had not heard from Mark. They filed a missing-person case with the London police in the hope that they might be able to find Mark. Faye blamed Tom and his anger, and lost her love for him. Tom still loved his son and the loss did cut him to the heart.

Throughout this crisis, the Davidsons were always there for Faye and Tom. They especially supported Faye who would otherwise have gone into depression. As it was, she spent her nights crying with Tom trying in vain to console her. During the day, Tom buried himself in his work, in order to keep from feeling grief. It was this work-to-escape-depression that would ironically earn him the Nobel Prize in time.

For the next few months, the Davenports were in constant touch with the London police, for news of their son, but with no success. A year had passed, and the police were running out of leads and hopes were low. Six months later, the police had given up, and hoped that the son might one day just turn up and return home, or that someone might by chance recognize him from the missing-persons photos put up in their offices. The Davenports had to move on.

Years later, after the downfall of the Third Reich and the formation of the United Nations, Henry Davidson had fallen fatally ill. By that time, his children were well settled: two of them lawyers, one a doctor. They all took off from their jobs to be with their father, whose disease could not be diagnosed. His entire digestive system was deteriorating, and his apetite had hit rock bottom.

Seeing the Davidsons in such need, Tom took it on himself to try and find a cure for Henry's ailment. He took it personally as a match between his medical prowess against whatever was causing Henry's illness. Try as he might though, he could not find the cause of Henry's condition in any medical literature or in his immense ingenuity. During these days, you could not find Tom doing anything that was not related to finding Henry's cure. He hardly slept, and kept from despair till the very end.

But the end did come. On 3rd September, 1947, Mr. Henry Davidson passed away due to unknown causes. He spent his last few hours on earth with his wife and all his three children. He seemed happy, and despite the inevitable, the complete atmosphere surrounding the family was full of warmth and peace. You would see his frail body exert itself to laugh care-freely at a joke of his son, or else you would find everyone explode with raucous laughter at one of his jokes. It was the most moving sight Tom had ever witnessed. It touched him deeply, and he was forced to relive the loss of his own son all over again.

For the funeral, the Davidsons asked Thomas to give the eulogy for Henry, since he had tried so hard to save him. The entire chapel was filled with all well-wishers from all over London: people Henry had helped, clients of his children, friends of the family – they all came to show their great support for the man that Henry was. One young man in his thirties with bowed head came and sat at the foot of the coffin. He sat there throughout the service. You would sometimes see him shaking with occasional sobs, or wiping his face, but he never looked up, or made any move.

At the time of the eulogy, Thomas went up and spoke thus, “Today we have gathered to remember the man that was Henry Davidson. Who was Henry Davidson? An employee? If you're from the Government, maybe thats what he was to you. Was he a neighbour? To me, well yes, he was; but he was much more. He was a friend, one who never looked for self-benefit, one who never thought about any inconvenience he would face to help a friend. I am sure you all have experienced this self-lessness and love, whether you knew him well or was a mere acquaintance, whether you liked him or whether ... no, no one could possibly have disliked such a man. He lived with love. He lived for love. He lived within love.

“But what comes to my mind at this moment, is that Henry Davidson was a teacher to me. He taught me something that I never would have learnt from any other source. He taught me the greatness of a strong family. He showed me one truly meaningful ambition in life: to be a true family-man. He was a husband to us all... a brother to us all... a... father... to us all. My own son... admitted... I was not a good father the way he was. I was living my life searching for a great name and fame and success; I had turned away from my family, from the path of true success.

“Today, I stand here and recollect the times that Henry was a true member of our own family. At my son's birth, I was busy working while Henry was there at the hospital, as a father would. When my son got suspended from school, he went to Henry as a son would. When... when my son ran away from home, Henry would come and comfort my wife and myself... as would a brother.

“Today, his body is taken from us. Yet his spirit lives on in his family: all of us. Let us remember Henry for who he was: not a man of the family, but a man for the family.”

And so saying, Thomas went back and took his seat, with the young man at the coffin's foot following. It hardly took them a fleeting glimpse of each other's eyes for Tom to recognise the man from years ago. His son had returned: to pay homage to Henry, and to return home to his family.

[Postface. Epilogue doesn't sound good, and I've never heard of a "postface", but this is essentially the 'author's note at the end', the "pre"face with pre changed to post.
People ask me what my ambition is. I tell them, "to make a family". Mostly its people my age, so they take the 'teen' connotation of that to mean "to have sex". There is that, but thats not worth calling an 'ambition', now is it? No, my ambition is to make myself a family, like that of the Davidsons. A happy family, a loving family.]

Wednesday 21 April, 2010

The First Draft

[I am never able to write a good essay on myself. It just feels weird to write in praise of oneself.
"No thinking - that comes later. You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head. The first key to writing is... to write, not to think!"
Dedicated to the above quote, for it has rather influenced my writing recently.]

Prologue

Hi all

The AIC is proud to introduce awards for exceptional service to the Council by its members. These awards will be given on the 25th(all boards night).

All AIC conveners interested in applying for these awards must email me a one page write-up explaining their contribution to the Council by 5pm today(Wednesday).


Regards
Aman Bakhshi
'Outgoing' General Secretary


Chapter 1

Application for AIC Award

Pradeep George Mathias
2nd year outgoing convener

I don't know what to write. I am not sure why I am even doing this. If anyone has to write a one-page write-up of their contribution, they'd have to be really self-praising and just generally go on and on and probably try to intimidate the reader. Fortunately, I am incapable of doing such.

As a member of the AIC, I merely managed to fulfil my duties as a member, and as a convener. I lost steam halfway through and neglected a number of duties. I would even use the excuse of “not wanting to be elected next year” as an excuse for not working. I believe I satisfy all the requirements of an ideal convener, and I am sure that I am not boasting when I say this; but I gave up working. Despite my end-of-year negligence toward the post of convener, I managed to have a number of my classmates beg me to stand for the post again.

Instead of outlining my contribution to the AIC, which would turn out rather sub-standard in my opinion, I will describe how by merely fulfiling the duties required of me, I was able to contribute to the welfare of my department and the working of the AIC.


Chapter 2

A convener's first and most inherent duty is to represent his classmates. From the moment I was elected the convener, I have looked on my classmates as little kids to be taken care of. It was undoubtedly a most natural reaction to being put in such a position of responsibility, and I do remember a number of instances where I went out of my way, causing some confusion among the staff.

From controversies such as trying to get MAL115 floated in the summer even though the HOD had said no, to trying to sort out the issue of cheating in the MAL122 major paper, my tenure as convener has not been any cakewalk. Throughout these issues, I managed to keep my personal views out the way from making a judgment in favour of the majority, while also trying to satisfy various parties with various compromises. Whether I was successful or not, I cannot be certain; but I feel confident that I did the best I could, and that I managed to satisfy as many people as could possibly be satisfied.

As the name of the post suggests, the class convener is supposed to convene the class committee meetings. During the first year, we never had any class committee meeting, and the concept of such was rather alien. With due aid of the AIC Constitution and the General Secretary Aman Bakshi, I can confidently say that the meeting turned out successful. The agenda was taken from the class, addressed during the meeting, and the class was notified of the conclusions.

The departmental academic committee (DAC) is an integral part of the AIC. It is the bridge between the Class Committees of the Department and the AIC. However, due to the prior defunct nature of the AIC, the DACs were never held. This year however, our department senior conveners and our AIC GSec helped revive the DAC. As a participant of the DAC, along with some classmates, I became aware of the issues of the department, ensured the department was notified of the issues of our batch, and the DAC thus became a success.

When conveners were called upon to help out with the pilot project of the online feedback system for the AIC, under short notice I was able to get a majority of my classmates to respond. The pilot project, was thus a success, save for the problem of authenticity and security.

Under the AIC, I was a part of the Constitution Review Committee. As a member of the Constitution Review Committee, I suggested changes to a number of flaws in the Constitution such as “the tenure of members of the AIC should be one semester”, and other changes pertaining to a shift in the current scenario from previous times.


Epilogue

As such, in looking back at my tenure as convener, I believe I have satisfactorily fulfiled all my duties and hence, am applying for the AIC Awards.


[@Aman: If you're reading this... Do pardon the breach of privacy by publishing your email.
@all: This was NOT the thing that I finally submitted. It was just the 'first draft' of the manuscript.]

The lyricist

[This started out as an attempt to write song lyrics. I think its turned out inbetween poetry and lyrics. It would be good as either, except that the rhyming has been sacrificed in places, and gotten overpoetic for lyrics in other places.
Ok, enough about it.
Dedicated to me. An escapist dedication, for a true dedication would be telling.]

Walking down a narrow road,
Its dark around, yet far from cold,
The discomfort of my world has had me implode.

The silence about can't penetrate in
You're singing aloud, no peace within,
Can't shut you out; I'm lost in your possession.

Into your lines, I'd wanted to dive,
Exploring the rhyme, I thought I'd thrive,
But I'm going senile; unable to survive.

The flow is too powerful, the meaning too deep.
I'm caught in a vortex of sound psychedelic.
I've searched for the bottom but gotten myself lost,
I've been blown away like a spec of mere dust.

As in dark caves, your echoes sustain,
The words you say strike chords innate,
And your musical waves, within me resonate.

A puff, a whiff, a moment's high,
Without which an addict may die,
Your lines and lyrics have thus conquered my mind.

Walking down many a road
Your words do drown out my waking world,
Holding me down, you're too good to let go.


[@piyush: i ban you from commenting on this...]

Monday 12 April, 2010

hash include pfstream

//this was conceptualized waaaay back in 12th std when we were learning about filestreams in c++. Sitting with Ishan, I'd have to say this was my form of doodling. I can't find the original 'doodle', so I suppose this reconstruction'll just have to do.
//dedicated to Ishan Gupta.

// This is particularly for those who have done some c++ coding.
/*
A brief recap: iostream.h is the header where you get cin, cout, and to define your own istreams (input streams) and ostreams (o/p streams).
Further, fstream.h includes iostream.h and has the important ifstream, ofstream and fstream objects (i/p file stream, o/p file stream, file streams) which help in file handling in c++.
pfstream.h further includes fstream.h. According to some, it should rather have been called pffstream.h, but the author of the header apparently thought, as do I, that pfstream had a better ring to it. pfstream is about a particular kind of file stream, as the following sample programs shall demonstrate.
*/


//Short program to emulate Satan's Kingdom
#include <pfstream.h>
void main()
{
pfstram pf1 = new pfstream("Hell"); //step1: make the object 'Like Hell'
pf1.controls.set("The Heart Of The Sun"); //step2: Set The Controls For The Heart Of The Sun (the heat of hell)
pf1.run(); //step3: Run Like Hell
}



//Short program to cheer you up
#include <pfstream.h>
void main()
{
pfstream pf2;
cout << "Enter list of favourite colours";
cin >> pf2.colour; //step2: get Any Colour You Like
if(pf2.colour == blue)
{
cout << "Answer the following questions to win the jackpot." <<endl ;
cout << "Do you care if the sun does shine?" <<endl ;
cout << "Do you care if nothing is yours?" <<endl ;
cout << "Do you care if you're nervous with me?" <<endl ;
cout << "Will you do your loving outside the winter?" <<endl ;
cin >> pf2.answers;
if(pf2.answers == "NO")
cout << "Thank you for choosing the colour blue. And for answering the questions correctly, you have won the jackpot. May it cheer you up from your (jugband) blues." <<endl ;
}
}



//Short program for animal rights
#include <pfstream.h>
void main()
{
pfstream pf3;
pf3 = new pf3("Animals");
switch(pf3.animal)
{
case sheep:
if(pf3.tools == "Bright knives") pf3.animal.soul.release(); //With bright knives he releaseth my soul
break;
case dogs:
pf3.animal.war.loose(); //Let loose the dogs of war
break;
case tigers:
do
{
}while(!pf3.animal.free);
pf3.ground.frost=true; //There was frost in the ground when the tigers broke free
break;
}
}




/* After this tutorial, I am sure you would have gotten the gist of how to use pfstream. If you find any new innovative means of using it, please drop me a mail (or comment), so that I might add it to this tutorial with offering due credit. */

Friday 2 April, 2010

Cosmic volcanoes

[this post had quite a hard choice for the name. As such, it has no dedication.
WARNING! Possibly EXPLICIT and POTENTIALLY UNGRAMMATICAL sentences follow!]

A guy with slim and tall head and shoulders and a small middle finger with a big hairy pair of hands died last sunday.

He was very cool and hot and had tight bums around the two small and hard sticks made of molten lava. His girlfriend Priya also having same and enjoys her time spent by watching cartoons and eating popcorn with the two sticks which came from outer space where volcanic eruption took place and these sticks dropped onto Jack's head when he suddenly realized that his bums were tight enough for another stick. Outer space volcanoes on Zumanji planet far away from the Milky Way galaxy cause phenomena like masturbation and squirting on the ass which was very hot by then.

The planet exploded and the whole solar system also squirted and masturbated in the midnight when this guy named Bechara Dave squirted he realized that his anus was on fire due to the pussy eruptions besides his testicles and the masturbation of the solar system.

Sunday 28 March, 2010

Nothing else matters

[dedicated to Archit Gupta, and the year of music, ending in the politics of friday].

So close no matter how far,
Couldn't vote from the heart,
Never trust in who we are,
cuz Nothing else matters.

Never convinced people this way,
"Votes are yours, poll them your own way,
All these words I don't just say,
and Nothing else matters."

Trust I seek, but don't find in you,
Everyday some new poltu,
No open mind for any other view,
cuz Nothing else matters.

I'd never cared for what they'd say,
I'd never cared for their poltu played,
I'd never cared for what they do,
I'd never cared for what they know,

But now I know...

(...a post is all they want,
and Nothing Else Matters to them).

Wednesday 24 March, 2010

Adam and Eileen

[A short post; but atleast one thats 'long due'...
This post is dedicated to Gainda; for reasons he'll know, and few others might]


My name is Adam, and I am still looking for my Eve. I must've had enough flings with all the Evas and Elanors, but the nearest I could come to my Eve was while I was on a ship!

Now although that might be unusual and stange to you mate, the fact is I've had quite a few flings on the high seas. Take my word on this: humping rocks on
ships! You see, my life of freedom on the waters was the result of both my brother's and my awe for the vastness and majesty of the Pacific and Indian Oceans. So much so that my brother Abel joined the navy a few years ago and you could say that my voyages came as a part of his 'perks'.

In fact, the Eve encounter had occurred on my return home from visiting my brother. Hmmm, it seems I have forgotten to clarify a few things. I live in Australia: Queensland to be precise, my age is nineteen and my brother is twenty-three. He was on duty in the Indian Ocean at that time and I had been returning home on a "private ship, en route to Australia". Now here's the thing, mate, you've probably gone ahead and assumed that this Eve - her name's actually Eileen - was some beauty; red headed or brunette, or busty or whatever. Well you see, I've never even seen her. This entire thing happened on an online anonymous conversation in the middle of the night!

That, my friend, is the good thing about these private ships: free satellite internet. Hell I have no idea how they bring connectivity into the middle of nowhere, but I'm not complaining! And the quality's quite good too! Why, I've downloaded pretty much all my movies from torrents at sea. But then, theres the downside of them real torrents at sea. Take my advice on this mate: never brave the Indian monsoon unless you've got an anonymous internet conversation to look forward to. Well of course, being anonymous, you have no idea if the person you're talking to is real, automated, or someone just doing a role-play. I suppose it can be pretty hard on someone if they find out that the person they were chatting with wasan't who he/she seemed to be. I'd hate it if Eileen were just someone's role.

Be that as it may, this Eileen waas twenty, doing Art School and living in Seattle. She was new to this chat site and didn't know the first thing about 'anonymity'. She told me of her own free will her name, city, and that she was blonde, having blue/green eyes. Being from Seattle made our conversation literally across the globe: it was 1.08 p.m. there when it was 1:40 a.m. here.

Seattle is the city of grunge, and since I was a guitarist in my band, we had found something that struck a chord between us. She was a total fan of Pearl Jam and Radiohead and such bands, and in no time, we found ourselves chatting in lyrics such as "American woman, stay away from me!" From music bands like Pearl Jam to movies like Into the Wild did our topics span, and the more we chatted, the more we found common between ourselves. That Eileen had read Into the Wild as a book before the movie was news to me; for I hadn't heard of the book before then.

As much as we had in common, there were many differences between us: some subtle, some not so. I had black hair and brown eyes; she said she could never imagine me that way, and would just pretend that I was blonde. She loved Indie rock, while I loved classic rock. I liked the Indian accent; she said it just made her crack up, and that she liked accents where you could not tell their origin. I told her to try watching some of Russell Peters' performances then; she hadn't heard of him. I've never done drugs; she'd gotten high on weed once (out of peer pressure). I enjoy living on ships; she'd been on a ship just once. I will not say that we fell in love, but our goodbyes were hard enough to last a span of over an hour: it was undergoing a process of prolonged procrastination. Love has a strange homely touch to it, its unpredictability never failing to surprise the cynic.

Sunday 24 January, 2010

self-fulfilling paradox

[This incident happened about 2 or 3 days ago. I probably would've not blogged about it for a while, if not for reading about Curry's paradox: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curry's_paradox .
So, dedicated to Mr. Haskell Curry, who gave his name to 2 programming languages and 'curry functions' which one would relate more with an Indian dish of curries rather than the sur name of a great Combinatorial dude]

[X, entering my room...]
Me: No!
X: Why, no?
Me: No, to whatever you're gonna ask!
X: Did you even know what I was gonna ask?
Me: No!

[paradox? how did i answer 'no' if i didn't know what he was gonna ask, etc etc etc
@Piyush: read the "In natural language" part of the wiki]