The First Draft

[I am never able to write a good essay on myself. It just feels weird to write in praise of oneself.

"No thinking - that comes later. You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head. The first key to writing is... to write, not to think!"

Dedicated to the above quote, for it has rather influenced my writing recently.]

Prologue

Hi all

The AIC is proud to introduce awards for exceptional service to the Council by its members. These awards will be given on the 25th(all boards night).

All AIC conveners interested in applying for these awards must email me a one page write-up explaining their contribution to the Council by 5pm today(Wednesday).

Regards

Aman Bakhshi

'Outgoing' General Secretary

Chapter 1

Application for AIC Award

Pradeep George Mathias

2nd year outgoing convener

I don't know what to write. I am not sure why I am even doing this. If anyone has to write a one-page write-up of their contribution, they'd have to be really self-praising and just generally go on and on and probably try to intimidate the reader. Fortunately, I am incapable of doing such.

As a member of the AIC, I merely managed to fulfil my duties as a member, and as a convener. I lost steam halfway through and neglected a number of duties. I would even use the excuse of “not wanting to be elected next year” as an excuse for not working. I believe I satisfy all the requirements of an ideal convener, and I am sure that I am not boasting when I say this; but I gave up working. Despite my end-of-year negligence toward the post of convener, I managed to have a number of my classmates beg me to stand for the post again.

Instead of outlining my contribution to the AIC, which would turn out rather sub-standard in my opinion, I will describe how by merely fulfiling the duties required of me, I was able to contribute to the welfare of my department and the working of the AIC.

Chapter 2

A convener's first and most inherent duty is to represent his classmates. From the moment I was elected the convener, I have looked on my classmates as little kids to be taken care of. It was undoubtedly a most natural reaction to being put in such a position of responsibility, and I do remember a number of instances where I went out of my way, causing some confusion among the staff.

From controversies such as trying to get MAL115 floated in the summer even though the HOD had said no, to trying to sort out the issue of cheating in the MAL122 major paper, my tenure as convener has not been any cakewalk. Throughout these issues, I managed to keep my personal views out the way from making a judgment in favour of the majority, while also trying to satisfy various parties with various compromises. Whether I was successful or not, I cannot be certain; but I feel confident that I did the best I could, and that I managed to satisfy as many people as could possibly be satisfied.

As the name of the post suggests, the class convener is supposed to convene the class committee meetings. During the first year, we never had any class committee meeting, and the concept of such was rather alien. With due aid of the AIC Constitution and the General Secretary Aman Bakshi, I can confidently say that the meeting turned out successful. The agenda was taken from the class, addressed during the meeting, and the class was notified of the conclusions.

The departmental academic committee (DAC) is an integral part of the AIC. It is the bridge between the Class Committees of the Department and the AIC. However, due to the prior defunct nature of the AIC, the DACs were never held. This year however, our department senior conveners and our AIC GSec helped revive the DAC. As a participant of the DAC, along with some classmates, I became aware of the issues of the department, ensured the department was notified of the issues of our batch, and the DAC thus became a success.

When conveners were called upon to help out with the pilot project of the online feedback system for the AIC, under short notice I was able to get a majority of my classmates to respond. The pilot project, was thus a success, save for the problem of authenticity and security.

Under the AIC, I was a part of the Constitution Review Committee. As a member of the Constitution Review Committee, I suggested changes to a number of flaws in the Constitution such as “the tenure of members of the AIC should be one semester”, and other changes pertaining to a shift in the current scenario from previous times.

Epilogue

As such, in looking back at my tenure as convener, I believe I have satisfactorily fulfiled all my duties and hence, am applying for the AIC Awards.

[@Aman: If you're reading this... Do pardon the breach of privacy by publishing your email.

@all: This was NOT the thing that I finally submitted. It was just the 'first draft' of the manuscript.]

The lyricist

[This started out as an attempt to write song lyrics. I think its turned out inbetween poetry and lyrics. It would be good as either, except that the rhyming has been sacrificed in places, and gotten overpoetic for lyrics in other places.

Ok, enough about it.

Dedicated to me. An escapist dedication, for a true dedication would be telling.]

Walking down a narrow road,

Its dark around, yet far from cold,

The discomfort of my world has had me implode.

The silence about can't penetrate in

You're singing aloud, no peace within,

Can't shut you out; I'm lost in your possession.

Into your lines, I'd wanted to dive,

Exploring the rhyme, I thought I'd thrive,

But I'm going senile; unable to survive.

The flow is too powerful, the meaning too deep.

I'm caught in a vortex of sound psychedelic.

I've searched for the bottom but gotten myself lost,

I've been blown away like a spec of mere dust.

As in dark caves, your echoes sustain,

The words you say strike chords innate,

And your musical waves, within me resonate.

A puff, a whiff, a moment's high,

Without which an addict may die,

Your lines and lyrics have thus conquered my mind.

Walking down many a road

Your words do drown out my waking world,

Holding me down, you're too good to let go.

[@piyush: i ban you from commenting on this...]

hash include pfstream

//this was conceptualized waaaay back in 12th std when we were learning about filestreams in c++. Sitting with Ishan, I'd have to say this was my form of doodling. I can't find the original 'doodle', so I suppose this reconstruction'll just have to do.

//dedicated to Ishan Gupta.

// This is particularly for those who have done some c++ coding.

/*

A brief recap: iostream.h is the header where you get cin, cout, and to define your own istreams (input streams) and ostreams (o/p streams).

Further, fstream.h includes iostream.h and has the important ifstream, ofstream and fstream objects (i/p file stream, o/p file stream, file streams) which help in file handling in c++.

pfstream.h further includes fstream.h. According to some, it should rather have been called pffstream.h, but the author of the header apparently thought, as do I, that pfstream had a better ring to it. pfstream is about a particular kind of file stream, as the following sample programs shall demonstrate.

*/

//Short program to emulate Satan's Kingdom

#include <pfstream.h>

void main()

{

pfstram pf1 = new pfstream("Hell"); //step1: make the object 'Like Hell'

pf1.controls.set("The Heart Of The Sun"); //step2: Set The Controls For The Heart Of The Sun (the heat of hell)

pf1.run(); //step3: Run Like Hell

}

//Short program to cheer you up

#include <pfstream.h>

void main()

{

pfstream pf2;

cout << "Enter list of favourite colours";

cin >> pf2.colour; //step2: get Any Colour You Like

if(pf2.colour == blue)

{

cout << "Answer the following questions to win the jackpot." <<endl ;

cout << "Do you care if the sun does shine?" <<endl ;

cout << "Do you care if nothing is yours?" <<endl ;

cout << "Do you care if you're nervous with me?" <<endl ;

cout << "Will you do your loving outside the winter?" <<endl ;

cin >> pf2.answers;

if(pf2.answers == "NO")

cout << "Thank you for choosing the colour blue. And for answering the questions correctly, you have won the jackpot. May it cheer you up from your (jugband) blues." <<endl ;

}

}

//Short program for animal rights

#include <pfstream.h>

void main()

{

pfstream pf3;

pf3 = new pf3("Animals");

switch(pf3.animal)

{

case sheep:

if(pf3.tools == "Bright knives") pf3.animal.soul.release(); //With bright knives he releaseth my soul

break;

case dogs:

pf3.animal.war.loose(); //Let loose the dogs of war

break;

case tigers:

do

{

}while(!pf3.animal.free);

pf3.ground.frost=true; //There was frost in the ground when the tigers broke free

break;

}

}

/* After this tutorial, I am sure you would have gotten the gist of how to use pfstream. If you find any new innovative means of using it, please drop me a mail (or comment), so that I might add it to this tutorial with offering due credit. */

Cosmic volcanoes

[this post had quite a hard choice for the name. As such, it has no dedication.

WARNING! Possibly EXPLICIT and POTENTIALLY UNGRAMMATICAL sentences follow!]

A guy with slim and tall head and shoulders and a small middle finger with a big hairy pair of hands died last sunday.

He was very cool and hot and had tight bums around the two small and hard sticks made of molten lava. His girlfriend Priya also having same and enjoys her time spent by watching cartoons and eating popcorn with the two sticks which came from outer space where volcanic eruption took place and these sticks dropped onto Jack's head when he suddenly realized that his bums were tight enough for another stick. Outer space volcanoes on Zumanji planet far away from the Milky Way galaxy cause phenomena like masturbation and squirting on the ass which was very hot by then.

The planet exploded and the whole solar system also squirted and masturbated in the midnight when this guy named Bechara Dave squirted he realized that his anus was on fire due to the pussy eruptions besides his testicles and the masturbation of the solar system.