A Hole in the Head

[An experiment. One in biology, a subject I haven't looked at in five whole years.
Dedicated to Harmon Northrop Morse and Joseph von Mering, old buggers.]

Aim: To perform a self-study and self-analysis of the contents of my skull, isolating the cause of my long-drawn headache and fever, thus figuring out how to neutralize it.


Apparatus Required:
Chloroform - so that the brain is dulled
Handkerchief - with which to apply the chloroform
Driller with screws - to drill a hole in my cranium
Sterilized trough - to pour the contents into
Formaldehyde - to preserve the contents
Microscope - to see whats wrong
Chemicals, acids, antibiotics, the works - just in case
Sterilized gloves, forceps etc - to fiddle around with the mixture
Molten Calcium - to reseal my cranium after pouring the contents back in


Theory:
The headache has been on for about a week now. I have administered upon myself a total of three 500mg Crocin (Paracetamol) tablets, four 650 mg Flumol (Paracetamol) tablets, and one how-many-ever mg Nise (Nimesulide) tablet, all to fairly temporary effects. Appetite hit a low but is now back. The head still needs a quick fix.

The skull is hard. The contents are supposedly fluid enough to flow or fall out or disentangle themselves well enough to be extracted through a small hole. This hole would have to be drilled through. Sedation and/or anesthesia is recommended to avoid disturbance caused by the visual chipping of the skull.

CH2O, i.e. HCHO, or formaldehyde to the lay-man is well known as a biological preservative. Microscopes were discovered back in the day and have thence been used to view the smallest of problems. A clean atmosphere is imperative to prevent further damage to the head and its contents.

For further information on the Theory, refer to Anatomy one-oh-one of your college course syllabus.


Procedure:
1) Dip the handkerchief in the chloroform liberally and hold it to your nose
2) Once you start losing consciousness, ditch the handkerchief, and grab the driller with the screw in it.
3) While barely conscious, instruct your subconscious in the following steps (numbered i, ii, iii, etc)

i) Drill through the skull till you feel liquid dripping down. Preferably drill at the back of the head, or at the side.
ii) Gather the trough of formaldehyde and empty the liquid contents into it.
iii) Drill through a layer or two more till you reach the brain; just in case.
iv) Empty the remaining contents of your skull. Bang on the head and jerk it if need be.
v) Play around with everything
vi) Apply medicines liberally (just in case).
vii) Put things back into the head in a last-out-first-in (LOFI) manner.
viii) Rewire the internal circuitry.
ix) Apply the molten calcium.
x) Switch on the fan to cool down and solidify the calcium into bone.
xi) Wake up, good as new.

4) If you have reached this stage alive, congratulate yourself. Now, continue writing this report, along with observations and inferences.
(to be continued after performing the experiment…)